


Going to Sirius for Advice about Girls

by WriterJace



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry and Remus finally having the relationship they deserve, M/M, Oblivious Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:02:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29859201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterJace/pseuds/WriterJace
Summary: It's Christmas at Grimmauld Place and Harry goes to his godfather for advice about girls. Sirius is a raging homosexual who thinks this is hilarious and sends Harry to Remus instead.
Relationships: Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Sirius Black & Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 39





	Going to Sirius for Advice about Girls

**Author's Note:**

> a few parts are taken directly or paraphrased from JKR's version of events.

After all of the drama of having to go to Grimmauld Place early, the fear of not knowing whether Mr Weasley was going to survive, the continual frustration of knowing that Dumbledore was avoiding Harry for some reason, it was nice to have a few moments of quiet. Harry was in a corner of the library, out of view from anyone who just happened to glance into the room. He had a book in his hand, something about defending oneself against magical creatures, but he was only staring at the page in front of him, not really taking anything in. With all that had happened, it was hard to believe that on the same day that he’d had that nightmare of Mr Weasley getting attacked, he had also kissed Cho. He’d barely had a moment since then to think about it, about what it meant for them. It hadn’t been quite the butterflies and fireworks that Harry had read about in Aunt Petunia’s novels (if he’d had any choice in the matter, he would have read something else but he’d been desperate for entertainment and so they’d had to do), but he still wanted to pursue whatever Cho would allow. She was pretty and ace at Quidditch and Harry had waited too long for this to let this chance pass him by. The only problem was that he had no idea how to go about this, having no experience with girls other than his friendship with Hermione, which was not at all helpful here. If only –   
“Hey Harry, watcha doing here all alone?”   
Harry looked up at his godfather, learning against the wall with a smirk on his face, and he couldn’t help but think that for once, fate might just be on his side.   
“Hi. Just enjoying the silence, I guess. Did you need something?”  
“No, just wondering where you’d wandered off to. Making sure you’ve not been eaten by a cursed pillow or something.” He grinned again, and Harry thought that surely someone like Sirius must have been very popular at school when he was younger. Before Azkaban. Harry’d seen the wedding pictures with Sirius as best man, after all; he knew what Sirius had once looked like.   
“I’ll leave you to enjoy the silence then,” Sirius said and turned to leave.   
“Wait!” Harry thought frantically of how to get his godfather to talk about his experiences without having to actually ask, or worse, tell him about Cho. Sirius was great, but that was still a bit too private to share with someone that Harry still only barely knew. “Uh... I wanted to ask you... about my mum and dad. If you don’t mind.”  
“Of course! What do you want to know?” He took a seat on the armchair next to Harry’s.  
“I just – they were quite young when they met, weren’t they?”  
“When they were eleven, yeah.”  
“Did they... Was there ever someone else? Like girlfriends and boyfriends? Or did they just – know?”  
“Oh, James knew from the moment he first laid eyes on Lily.” Sirius looked soft as he talked, the way he only ever did when he was talking about Harry’s parents or Professor Lupin. “He wanted to be her friend at first, but she refused. Said she already had a best friend and that she didn’t someone as arrogant as James in her life. Over time, James’ interest in her shifted to romantic, but the intensity never changed. Bloody obsessed, he was. He’d monologue at us about how beautiful and smart and brave yada yada yada she was. Drove us half mad at times. But he was right in the end. Turned out she was the one for him, once he got over his big head and she got over her annoyance at his antics.”   
“That sounds nice. I wish I could be so sure of who’s the one.”  
Sirius laughed. “Yeah, few of us are that lucky.”  
“Were you?” It slipped out before Harry really had time to think about whether that was too forward, and he blushed.   
“Me? No. Took me ages to figure out what was staring me right in the face.” So he did have someone? Or rather had – Harry doubted any relationship could survive a twelve-year-long stay in prison.   
“So you had lots of girlfriends, then?” Harry asked.   
Sirius threw his head back and laughed loudly, before looking back at Harry and stopping abruptly. “Oh, uh... Yeah, I guess that never came up, huh? Uh. No. No girlfriends. I don’t – I’ve never been interested in girls. I thought Prongs was mad with how he went on and on about it, but then Wormy – Wormtail did too and so did all the other boys, and I realised that I was the odd one out. Didn’t take long for me to figure out that I was gay after that. That’s not a problem for you, is it? Having a gay godfather?” He looked nervous, all of a sudden. Harry’d seen him face his former friend who’d betrayed him, face dementors and life as a fugitive before, but he didn’t think he’d ever seen Sirius nervous.   
It was a good question though. Was it a problem? Harry’d never really thought about it before. Homosexuality was something that he’d always known existed but never thought he’d actually come across in his life. Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had always talked about it as if these people were completely other, like a whole other species. Looking at Sirius in his youthful clothes under the robe, thinking of the way he had offered Harry a home before having one himself and of the way he tried to be a good host while being stuck in a house that held such awful memories for him, maybe he was.   
“No, that’s not a problem. Surprising, maybe, but anything the Dursleys disapprove of is alright in my books.”   
That caused another laugh, and Sirius clapped him on the shoulder. “That’s the right attitude, little Prongslet! We’ll make a Marauder out of you yet.”   
Harry grinned.   
“So why all the questions? D’you need girl advice?”  
The grin vanished from Harry’s face. “... No?” He could feel his face heat up.   
“Ha, I’ll take that as a yes. Well, as we’ve now established, I’m the wrong person to ask. Terribly sorry about that. Moony could help though.”  
“Oh, no, that’s alright, really, I don’t –“ Harry really did not want to talk about girls with his former teacher, thank you very much. Lupin was nice and without a doubt the best Defence teacher they’d had by far, really, but... no. Just no.   
“Sure, he’ll help you! I’ll ask him once he gets back, alright?”   
With another quick clap on his shoulder, Sirius had stood up and left the room before Harry could protest. Great. 

Over the next two days, nothing changed. Harry was starting to hope that maybe Sirius had forgotten about his idea That hope was squashed, however, when Professor Lupin showed up at dinner on Christmas Eve and looked over to Harry after Sirius whispered something in his ear. Lupin smiled at Harry, and Harry forced his face muscles to smile back when really he wanted to run for the hills. Talking to his godfather had been awkward enough; this was going to be awful.   
After dinner, Lupin came over to Harry, who was playing a game of chess with Ron and losing badly, as he usually did.   
“I heard you wanted to talk to me about something?” he said.   
“Oh, er – It’s just, Sirius and I were talking about... something, and he mentioned that you might know more about the topic than he did. But it’s fine, really! We don’t need to –“ He broke off, not knowing what to say.   
Ron awkwardly looked between him and Lupin, clearly uncomfortable and confused. When Lupin asked him to leave with a friendly, “Could you give us a moment, please, Ronald?”, he hurried off as fast as his legs would take him. Harry couldn’t help but feel a little betrayed.   
Lupin sat down on Ron’s chair. “I know we haven’t talked much since I resigned as your teacher, Harry, and I apologise for that. But I do hope you know that you know that you can always come to me for help or advice of any sort.”  
Harry nodded, trying to look convincing, but judging from Lupin’s defeated smile, he failed.   
“I can’t say I blame you for not believing that. I did rather disappear out of your life after the sudden end of my career as Hogwarts professor.” At that, Harry scowled. Damn Snape for making Lupin leave and probably making life a lot harder for him. “But I should have kept in touch with you. I’m sorry, Harry.”   
“That’s alright. I’m sure you had other things to worry about.”  
Lupin shook his head. “That’s no excuse not to write to you. I’m sorry.”  
Harry had never really been apologised to by an adult, not like this. It was weird and awkward, but it made sense that Lupin’d be the one to do it. He had always treated Harry like an equal, asking for and respecting his opinion even when he was just a thirteen-year-old.   
“It's alright, really. Uh... Apology accepted, I guess.”   
“Thank you, Harry. Now, tell me about your girl problems, maybe I can help.”  
And so Harry did. He still felt his face flush as he talked about the kiss, but Lupin smiled at him and didn’t make fun of him and it was kind of wonderful. 

Christmas passed with a lot of presents, a lot of food, and a lot of Christmas songs sung by Sirius. They went to see Mr Weasley at the hospital again, and while Lupin smiled at Harry, there was nothing to indicate that the two had bonded over their conversation. Harry wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but it was disappointing not to see any difference in how Lupin treated him compared to the others. Sure, he’d taught the Weasley kids and Hermione too, but only Harry was his best friend’s son, right? It was silly, but part of him felt like that gave him some special sort of demand on Lupin’s attention.   
It was only after the conversation with Snape about learning Occlumency that they really spoke again. It was evening and Harry was once again alone in the library, trying to think in peace about what those lessons with Snape would mean. Annoying and horrible as the dreams could be, after all, they were the reason why Mr Weasley had survived that night at the Ministry. Harry was startled out of his thoughts by Lupin sitting down in the chair beside him, though he didn’t say anything at first. Just sat there and waited.   
“Snape said I have to take lessons with him so I can close my mind against outside forces,” Harry finally said after about a minute.   
“So I heard,” Lupin answered.   
“It’s on Dumbledore’s orders. I have to, whether I want to or not.”  
“I’m afraid so.”  
“What’s it like, being a werewolf?”  
“I – what? I have to say, that is not where I expected this conversation to go,” Lupin said with a frown. He didn’t seem mad, though, mostly just confused.   
“Sorry, I don’t want to be rude or – or make you uncomfortable. It’s just, it feels like my whole life is just other people making my decisions for me and putting me in these situations without ever telling me how or why and I hate it. I hate not being in control of anything. I watched Voldemort come back, I saw Wormtail kill Cedric,” at this, Lupin winced and Harry felt bad for bringing it up, but he kept going, “but still Dumbledore refuses to tell me anything. I’m tired of being treated like a child!”   
“And you think lycanthropy is similar to your situation?” Lupin said calmly.   
“Yes. No. Probably not, but it’s also something you don’t have control over, and I was just hoping...”   
“You were hoping that I’d be able to relate to your struggles.”  
“Yes.”   
“Harry,” Lupin said, causing Harry to look at him for the first time since he’d sat down. “You’ve gone through terrible things in your young life and witnessed things you never should have seen, especially at your age. I know this must be difficult to hear, but a lot of these decisions that Dumbledore makes or that other adults in your life like Sirius and Mrs Weasley or even I make, they’re all with your best interests in mind.”  
Harry snorted. He’d heard that argument before, and he knew that it didn’t really mean anything.   
Lupin continued, as if he hadn’t heard. “Even if you don’t agree with those decisions, you have to remember that. If you think something is truly unfair, you can talk to Sirius or me about it, maybe we can help. Most of all, remember that you don’t have to go it alone. You have friends whom you can rely on, who would go to the end of the world with and for you. Never underestimate the power that friendship can have, or the limits of your friends’ love for you." He waited for Harry to nod before continuing. "Now. You want to know what being a werewolf is like?”  
Harry nodded again.   
“It’s like having a body that is only ever temporarily yours. It’s a life of doing everything you can to fight people’s prejudices against you because the whole world thinks of you as a bloodthirsty, uncivilised, lawless monster. It’s knowing that once a month you turn into exactly that and that one mistake could turn you into a killer.” He paused. “It’s being surrounded by people who learn magic so advanced and dangerous that many never master it so they can spend the worst hours of your life with you at the risk of their own lives.”   
Harry thought of his father’s stag form that he was now familiar with, thanks to his own Patronus, and of Sirius’ dog form. He thought of Ron sacrificing himself on the giant chess board and Hermione setting Snape’s robes on fire when both had only been first years.   
“Sometimes there are things in your life that you can’t control, and it’s scary and frustrating. But these hard times are also the times when your friends can and will prove to you that they’re here for you through it all, if you let them.” With that, Lupin fell silent once again.  
“You and Sirius included?” Harry asked.   
Lupin smiled at him. “Yes. Whatever you need.”   
“How about some Firewhiskey?”   
Lupin laughed. “Well, almost anything, then.” 

They left for Hogwarts the next day. Saying goodbye to Sirius was difficult, but Harry felt relieved by the thought that Lupin would return to Grimmauld Place after accompanying them to Hogwarts with Tonks. He was a good listener, and Sirius could probably use some of that too. Remus took the front of the bus with Harry, Ron, and Hermione, and soon they were back at Hogwarts. When they said goodbye, Lupin reminded Harry to make an effort at learning Occlumency.   
“If you need anything at all or just want someone to talk to, Sirius and I are both only an owl flight away.”  
“Thanks.”   
Lupin squeezed Harry’s shoulder, and that was it. They went up to the heavy castle doors, back to classes and Occlumency lessons and Umbridge. Harry felt miserable just thinking about it all. 

It didn’t take long for Harry to write his first letter to Lupin. He did it under the pretence of having a question about a spell – Lupin’s answer actually turned out to be more helpful than expected and caused Harry to make a few changes to how he was going to teach that particular spell at DA – but really he just wanted to start another conversation with the man. It turned out to be rather nice to have Lupin to talk to, even if it was through letters rather than in person. His calm manner shone through in how he wrote, and he was insightful and even shared a few funny stories of his time at Hogwarts. Harry felt like he could talk to Lupin without having to fear that one wrong word would make him race to Hogwarts with no regard for his own safety, the way he felt with Sirius. He still wrote letters to Sirius as well, of course, often delivered on the same flight so Hedwig wouldn’t get overworked flying between London and Hogwarts. Still, the present Sirius had given him still lay on the bottom of Harry’s trunk, unopened.   
Harry was worried that, since they were such close friends, Lupin might be sharing everything Harry was writing with Sirius. That was why, even if he was not quite as careful with Lupin as he was with his godfather, he still made sure to keep the topics they discussed away from his dreams or the Occlumency lessons. So one day he asked him. 

_PS: Just wondering, does Sirius read these letters? It’s fine if he does, just curious._

The reply came about a week later. It was a long letter with another story about a prank involving the kitchen and food dye, one of the first pranks they had ever done on a larger scale rather than with just a few Slytherins as their targets. And at the end of the letter:

  
_PS: He doesn’t read your letters, no. But I can’t promise you that I will keep what you tell me a secret from him. Keeping secrets already ruined our relationship once, and we barely managed to recover from it. I’m not risking that again. I hope you feel you can confide in me even so. I promise we are both trustworthy and this reluctance for secrecy does not apply to others._

  
Harry read over it a second time. Relationship? Surely he couldn’t mean... Did he mean their friendship? A few months ago, Harry probably wouldn’t even have noticed the term, but after finding out that Sirius was gay, well... Harry did wonder sometimes about Sirius, and whether he’d been in romantic relationships before. A few months ago, Harry also would have obsessed over these thoughts without asking for an explanation, but he had learned how easy Lupin – or rather Remus, as he’d been asked to call him – was to talk to. Harry had never had an easy time asking adults personal questions, always fearing they would get angry at him. But Lup- Remus had told him several times now that it was okay to ask anything he wanted, and so far it had proven to be true. That was why, in his next letter, Harry was determined to ask about it. Later that same day, however, Harry was left alone in Snape’s office with a bowl full of memories beckoning him to view them, and after a lifetime of having big and important secrets kept from him, Harry was powerless in face of the temptation. 

  
Harry was miserable. He’d looked up to his dad, to his godfather and to Remus, and to find out that they were nothing but bullies – even Remus, who with his non-action was no better than Harry’s dad or Sirius – hurt. It hurt. He needed to talk to Sirius and Remus; not just through letters, where he could never fully be honest for fear of them being read by Umbridge, but in person. He needed to know that they had changed, that he wasn’t wrong in his assessment of these people who meant everything to him.   
As per usual in Harry’s life, the Weasley family were the ones to provide the solution. Ginny came up with the idea, Fred and George were the ones who distracted Umbridge long enough for Harry to talk to Sirius and Remus. Kneeling in front of the fireplace for an extended period of time and knowing he might get caught any minute made it a rather uncomfortable experience, but it was good to see them both again. When Harry’s head popped up in the Grimmauld Place kitchen fireplace, he was lucky in enough to find Remus there, reading something at the table.   
“Remus?”  
Remus looked up from his reading, looking shocked. “Harry! Is everything alright?”   
“Yeah. I just wanted to talk to you and Sirius. Can you get him?”  
“Sure. Just a minute.”   
It didn’t take long for the two of them to return and kneel down in front of the fireplace. They both looked worried.   
“Are you alright? Do you need help?” Sirius asked.   
Harry told them about what he’d witnessed in the pensieve and both Sirius and Remus tried their best to explain – or rather excuse – what had happened. But Harry was the same age as his father had been then. Harry had classmates he didn’t like too, but he didn’t humiliate them four against one, like his father had done.   
“I guess I was just disappointed. I always thought my dad was this really great guy, but now...”  
“He was,” Sirius reassured him. “He grew out of this behaviour over the next few years, especially once we left school and fought in the war. And of course when he started dating your mum in seventh year.”  
“He kept looking over at her and the other girls, hoping they were watching.”  
Both smiled at that as if reminiscing fondly.   
Harry went on. “You two didn’t seem to do it for the girls. Neither of you.” He looked at Remus. “And you were sitting quite close together in the memory. Were- Are you- ”  
“Are you asking whether we’re together?” Remus asked, a slight smile on his lips.  
Harry nodded.   
Sirius laughed loudly. “Of course! I thought you knew that already.”  
“Oh.” Harry said. “But I thought Remus...”  
Remus smiled at him softly. “It’s called bisexuality. Liking both men and women.”  
“Oh.” He’d never heard of it. All the many names that Uncle Vernon had for people like Sirius and Remus, that had never been part of it.   
“Harry, I’m sorry you had to see that memory, it really doesn’t paint any of us in a flattering light. But I can assure you that all of us grew out of that behaviour. Well, except maybe Severus. Speaking of which, how did he react when he found out what you’d seen?”   
Harry told them about Snape cancelling all future Occlumency lessons, and Remus tried to convince him to change his mind, but the call was soon cut short when Filch came into the office. Still, Harry felt a little lighter after that conversation. And he had a few things to think about, now that he knew that gay and straight weren’t the only options. Could it be that he...

  
It turned out there wasn’t as much time to think about what he’d learned in that conversation after all. It was the end of April, which meant that O.W.L. exams were fast approaching. Between studying, Quidditch, and spending time with his friends, it never seemed to be the right time to sit down and think. And then... And then...   
“SIRIUS! SIRIUS!”  
“There’s nothing you can do, Harry –“  
“Get him, save him, he’s only just gone through! Remus, please, we have to - ”  
“It’s too late, Harry - ”   
“We can still reach him –“  
“There’s nothing you can do, Harry... nothing... He’s gone.”   
Harry slumped into Remus’ body, all fight drained out. If there was any chance that Sirius was still – Remus would have run after him. Would have done anything. Just like Harry.   
Neville came up to them, asking about Sirius and telling them about where the others were and how they were doing. Harry knew that he should care, that these were his friends that were only here because of him. He knew that Remus was hurting just like he was. But in that moment, Harry spotted Bellatrix Lestrange run out of the room and before Remus had a chance to stop him, he had gone off after her. 

  
Harry didn’t hear from Remus until he saw him at the platform, a week later. He was waiting with the Weasleys, along with Mad-Eye Moody and Tonks. Frankly, he looked terrible. His clothes seemed to be shabbier than usual and his hair greyer. Or maybe it was just his overall demeanour that made them appear so. He was pale and when he smiled at Harry, it did not reach his eyes. Still, it was good to see him. In a world where his godfather was still seen as a dangerous criminal, after giving his life fighting for the light, it was good to be reminded that there was one person who had loved Sirius as much as Harry had.   
It turned out they had come to intimidate the Dursleys into treating Harry better, with absolutely no attempts to veil their threats. It was a glorious spectacle to watch the fear and disgust both Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon felt at this scared, colourful, and most of all _weird_ group of people.   
Before he could leave, Remus hugged Harry and told him quietly, “Take care, Harry. We’ll keep in touch, alright?”  
“Alright,” Harry whispered back.   
On his second day back at the Dursleys, when he had barely started unpacking his trunk and settling back into life with his relatives for however many weeks he would need to stay this time, an owl appeared outside his bedroom window with a letter from Remus. 


End file.
